(Trying Hard) to Stay Positive

I’m sitting here in the dark (well, I turned off the lamp tho), typing this out because I am quite literally shaking with stress, nervousness, and anger.

My head is filled with what if, how, when, who and all sorts of questions. Millions of questions running through my brain at lightning speed and I feel nauseous just trying to keep up with it.

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Well, this blog post will not be a rant. It will not be about how and why I am in this state. Instead, I want to channel this into something positive and talk about the anxiety that I feel when I am in such a state.

When things happen, I'll start thinking: Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Did I said something I shouldn’t have? I often get guilty pangs such as these, especially during my university life.

When something goes down wrong, I start to blame myself. Oh, I did something wrong. Oh, I said something wrong. Oh, I must have offended. The anxiety starts, the stress starts, the cold sweat starts, and I start feeling like I want to bangs my head on the wall, why am I so freaking useless that I can offend somebody without realizing?

It sounds dramatic, but it’s real.

And here is the lesson I have to learn.

The world does not revolve around you.

I am not the center of the world. Not everything that happens is caused by me. Not everything that goes down wrong is my fault. Stop pointing at yourself. Stop thinking it’s me, me, me, and start thinking about other people for a change.

Maybe it’s not that I offended somebody. Maybe that person is having a bad day. Maybe it’s not that my friends won’t work with me, maybe it’s because they just had something and they are feeling rather emotional. There are many reasons as to why things aren’t going the way they should, and it’s not always automatically my fault.

Take a step back, take a deep breath.

Right before I panic, just remember that other people have feelings too that are governed by more than just me. Certainly, don’t push everything off to be something else’s fault, but don’t always be so quick to jump the gun to blame yourself.

Let's just stay positive from today onwards, dear myself.